By Ans Hooft
The nice man in orange told us to focus on the tip of our noses and nothing else. You had to clear your head completely. If we did accidentally get a thought, you had to look at that thought without judgment and then let it flow away. It sounded very simple.
We sat on children’s stools in the temple and my back started to hurt from that strange position. I had not yet slept for two hours; These kinds of picturesque monasteries always have rock-hard beds. We sat so close together that I could smell that no one had ventured into the only shower.
It was 07:00 on Sunday morning and I had been trying to think about the tip of my nose for half an hour. The purpose of this temple retreat was: to learn more about Buddhism, mindfulness and meditation. A Buddhist can achieve ultimate happiness. Probably not in one weekend, although of course I counted on that. But I find meditation difficult and I can’t keep thinking about the tip of my nose for 10 seconds.
The very nice man in orange could do that. He was completely balanced, had no problems with that stupid little stool and also no problems with his back. It didn’t bother him that he didn’t have a decent shower; he is here! At 05.00 am the big gong had woken us up and all the other nice men in orange were already up. I wondered how you can decide to live here, to get up at four o’clock every day and dedicate yourself to Buddhism and achieving ultimate happiness. You see, there was another thought, while I really only had to think about the tip of my nose.
How did he say that: if you have to do something unpleasant, you can convince yourself that you are doing it voluntarily. Then it is no longer annoying. I know that technique, but how does it work with the pain in my back from this stupid stool? I’m here voluntarily, but it still hurts. Can I rise over it, like a Shaolin monk on a bed of nails? How do they actually practice that? Would they do the same in this monastery? Oh yes, the tip of my nose.
How beautiful is that, to believe that every life is valuable. But that means that fleas and other vermin should not be beaten to death, even if I find them in my bed. From my goosebumps reaction I notice that I am clearly not ready for the Buddhist view of life. Could we not exclude certain creepy beasts from this belief? Or am I now inventing a new kind of apartheid?
Very far away I hear the voice of that nice man in orange and someone pokes me in the side. Did I really fall asleep? The conversation is about something I can’t follow. Why can’t you sleep longer in such a monastery? That would help me achieve ultimate happiness. I’m glad we’re going outside to practice qi gong, because I can do that better than clearing my head. During the qi gong, in the sun while the birds chirp, I suddenly think of the tip of my nose. And I feel happy.
Ans Hooft has been living in Shanghai for 17 years. She wrote the book ‘Lockdown in Shanghai’
https://www.boekenbestellen.nl/boek/lockdown-in-shanghai/62959
